Kreative X-Pressions Publications

Chapter 10

Lulu's Limerick Poems

Hector was waiting for me at Grammy's. He was helping Grampa carry the new picnic table out the cellar hatchway. Lulu was there too, watching. She had on a pretty party dress. I couldn't help but wonder why she was all dressed up, so I asked her. "How come you're all dressed up, Lulu?"

"For the party of course, silly," she answered in her most sarcastic tone.

"The tree house pizza party?" I wanted to laugh. Instead I kept a straight face. I was trying very hard to be tolerant of Lulu ever since the day she shot me down on the school bus. I'd figure out a way to get even some other time.

I grabbed one side of the picnic table and me and Hector carried it over to the tree house ladder where we put it down.

"Ladies before gentlemen," I said to Lulu, bowing from my waist and pointing towards the ladder. Actually I wanted her to climb up the ladder first so me'n Hector could peek up her dress, but Lulu wasn't buying it.

"You're both disgusting!" she said when she caught on. Me'n Hector pretended we didn't know what she was talking about.

"Just tryin' to be polite, Lulu," Hector said.

Then Lulu started to supervise. I tried giving her my 'back off' look but she just stood there fat and bossy with her arms folded against her chest. Except for the party dress, she looked like an Army sergeant or something.

"Careful, now...don't drop it," she said.

I wish I knew some poetry. Boy, would I ever shoot her down!

Getting the shiny red picnic table up the ladder was the hardest part. It looked real neat once we set it down inside.

"This is gonna be great to eat pizzas on!" Hector said.

"Veggie pizza." Lulu insisted. "I don't like any other kind."

I whispered in Hector's ear. I said, "bz-z bz-z bz-z" while I grinned over at Lulu. Hector laughed and whispered the same thing back. Lulu put her hands on her hips.

"You two better be careful what you're saying about me!"

"Who, us?" I asked. We pretended to be outraged by her accusation.

"Besides," she added, "pepperoni disagrees with me."

I was just about to give her one of my special looks until I remembered Father Casey's sermon on tolerance, so I tried being tolerant instead. Veggie pizza... yuck!

"We'll get veggies on one part and pepperoni and cheese on the other, okay Lulu?"

I grinned. Golly, that was easier than I thought. Being tolerant wasn't so awful bad after all. But Lulu didn't appreciate it because she just made a face and didn't say anything. back. She'd better not. It's my tree house and Mom was paying for the pizza.

Lulu popped a mint into her mouth. "Can I mooch one, Lulu?" I asked, knowing what she'd say.

"No."

I was right. She always says that.

"Besides," she added, "I've only got one left. Why is it you're always mooching things, Mooch?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "To keep up my reputation, I guess."

Lulu smiled. "Why would anyone want to be known as a moocher, anyhow?" she asked. "By the way, I made up a poem about moochers."

"Oh, no... not another poem!" Hector said, wrinkling up his nose in disgust. But it was too late 'cause Lulu already had her notebook out.

"Here it is." She opened her mouth to speak and I knew that nothing on Heaven or earth could stop her lips from moving. I cringed as she read her poem:

"I have a friend I really like
Who mooches all day long,
And though he thinks it's quite all right,
I think it's quite all wrong."

I put my hands on my hips and glared at her. "So? What's the big deal?"

"I'm not finished yet," she answered, flipping the page. Hector hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. "You mean there's more?"

"Yes, Hector, of course there's more." She looked back down at her notebook and continued:

"My friend is very stingy, too,
He never wants to share,
Except with someone else's things
Which isn't very fair."

My face got red. "That just aint true!" I almost shouted. "I gave you some popcorn once, didn't I? And remember the time I gave you a bite of an apple when I only had two apples left?"

I knew I was wasting my breath. I moaned and sat down while Lulu continued reading her poem.

"Someday his eyes will open up
He'll see his big mistake.
He'll learn that fairness really means
To GIVE, as well as TAKE!"

She closed her book and smiled at me. "Well? What do you think?"

I ignored her and turned to Hector. "Hey Dex, want to play some electronic games while we're waiting for the pizza?"

"Sure!" he answered.

We climbed down the tree house ladder leaving Lulu all alone with her book of made-up poems.

Around lunch-time the pizza was delivered. Hector came back with a six pack of Pepsi. Lulu had gone home and changed into shorts and brought back some chocolate cupcakes.

"They look good, don't they?" she said. "I just baked them. My mouth is really gonna have a party today!"

"Hey, Lulu," I said, "You're pretty good with words."

"That's because her Mom's a writer," Hector said.

"I'm a writer too," Lulu added. "I inherited my Mom's genes. I already started writing my first mystery novel."

"What'd you name it?" Hector asked.

"The Mystery of Gopher Gulch."

I laughed. "I can see it now. 'The Mystery Of Gopher Gulch... by eleven year old Lulu Haagenswitz.' I snickered. "Who's gonna buy a book by somebody with a name like Haagenswitz anyhow?"

Lulu closed her eyes and pointed her nose skyward. "Well, will you look at mister bigpants. Who are you to talk?"

"Just being me, that’s all.” I smiled. “Just remember, I'm not a writer.” Right away I knew I said the wrong thing again.

"You can say that again, dummy! You have to be intelligent to be a writer!

I stunned her with my silence. Hector smiled and turned away. Good thing he didn't laugh at Lulu's joke if he wanted any of my pizza.

"Besides," she added, I'll probably use a pseudonym, like Lulu Larson."

"Pseudonym? Why do you always have to use such big words, Lulu?"

I leaned over and whispered in Hector's ear. "What's pseudonym mean, anyhow?"

Lulu must've read my mind because she answered, "A pseudonym is just another meaning for 'pen-name,' dummy!"

I didn't know what a pen name was either, but I wasn't about to admit it to Lulu. "Well Larsont sounds better than Haagenswitz anyway," I answered in an effort to save face. I threw a fast glaring look at her. Boy, it sure was hard not to resist evil. Next time I see Father Casey, I'm going to ask him if he's sure he read that part of the Bible right. For now, I just bit my lip and kept quiet while we carried all the food up into the tree house.

Lulu had put a red-checkered tablecloth and some plastic knives and forks and paper napkins on the table. Then she stood there tapping her toe and thinking. I thought maybe she was going to make up some poem about the occasion, but I was wrong. She was just thinking about her veggie pizza.

It's dark in the tree house when the door is closed so Gramp loaned us a battery-powered camp light. Me and Hector tried eating pizza in the dark once at my house when we had lost power because of a storm. When the lights came on later and Mom saw the mess we made having a pillow fight with the left over pizza, we paid for it good! But that was last year when we were just a couple of kids.

"Why didn't we just leave the door open instead?" Lulu asked after we switched the light on. Me and Hector looked at her. I let Hector answer. He needed the experience anyhow.

"Because we don't like sharing our pizza with flies," he said, boldly.

"Oh," Lulu answered, her face turning a little red. For once she didn't have an answer.

I grinned and slapped Hector on the back. "I'm proud of you, Dex. You're getting more like me every day."

Lulu was stunned and her face got even redder. Red seemed to look good on her anyhow.

We told corny jokes and laughed as we ate our pizza. Lulu only had two pieces because most of it was covered with pepperoni and cheese. Of course Hector and me planned it that way. I told Lulu that boys have bigger appetites, which was an outright lie because Lulu didn't get fat just thinking about food. So Hector and I were really doing her a big favor by eating most of it ourselves. I let her and Hector eat all the cupcakes, though, because Mom doesn't want me to have too much sugar.

We were so full when we finished we had to lie on the floor and rest. Suddenly, Lulu stood up with a smile. "I've got a brand-new limerick," she announced.

Hector put his hands over his face and groaned. Then he whispered, "Hey, Mooch,...just plug your thumbs in your ears."

But that didn't stop Lulu from sharing her poetry.

"There once was a house in the trees,
where we ate a big pizza with ease,
then with soda and cakes,
we all got bellyaches
like big, overstuffed chimpanzees."

Me and Hector were rolling on the tree house floor but we weren't laughing. We were really groaning with bellyaches.

After we recovered I brought up my least favorite subject. Work! "I was thinking things over, Dex. Remember what you said about walking dogs to earn money?"

Lulu's face brightened. "What about dog walking?" We both ignored her. "Are you really going to do it, Mooch? Are you? Are you?" she kept asking.

We kept on ignoring her. "Yeah, Mooch. Want to start tomorrow?" Hector answered.

"Answer me, you guys!" Lulu asked again, almost shouting this time. "What about dog walking?" We continued to pretend she wasn't there.

"Let's sign up a few customers tomorrow and start Monday, Dex," Hector continued.

"Hey, you guys...what about dog walking?" This time Lulu yelled so loud I think they heard it a block away. Me'n Hector both looked at her. "You don't have to yell!" Hector said. "After all, we're not deaf!"

I snickered. I was beginning to like Hector's style. He was beginning to sound just like me.

Actually I didn't want to let Lulu in on this dog-walking because she'd only end up trying to manage everything, like she always did. But I could see that Hector had already figured her in on it, so I explained to her what me and Hector were planning. I soon regretted it because she started to take over right away, just like I knew she would.

"Well," she began, "I'll get a pencil and paper and we'll go around tomorrow and get the names of the people and their dogs. I already know three. We'll find out what days they want their dogs walked, how many times a day and how much they'll pay."

Me 'n Hector got up from the table while Lulu was still talking.

"...and after that," she buzzed on,"...we'll figure out who takes which dogs on which days and then maybe I'll go to the library and get a book on dog-walking and..."

We had climbed down the ladder and were halfway to Hector's house to play games when we heard Lulu yell to us, "Hey, I'll be your business manager, okay?"

Hector and I looked at each other. "Yup, you were right about her wanting to be boss, Mooch!"

"So what else is new?" I asked.

"How come you changed your mind about walking dogs, Mooch?" he asked me.

"Hector, you know how Ziggy is always nagging me. So if I ever hope to get a go-kart and accept his challenge to race me, I guess I just have to earn some money. Mom says a new car is 'in' this season and go-karts are 'out'. Also, she says go-karts are dangerous. Can you dig that?"

When we got inside Hector's house, he dove for the Sega Genesis set. He let me beat him three times before whipping my pants off. Hey, what can I say? Hector's an electronic Einstein.

Suddenly I heard the brass bell on Gramp's deck ringing. "Uh, oh...I've got to go, Dex. See you later."

Gram asked me if I wanted any supper, but I was too full of pizza. Gramp reminded me to brush my teeth, as usual, then he disappeared down the stairs into his workshop. In a few minutes he was hammering and sawing away. He sure had me curious. "What's he building anyhow, Gram?"

She shrugged. "He says it's a secret project."

"Gramp needs a scroll-saw, Gram. Are you gonna buy him one for his birthday in June?"

"Not a chance, Mitch. I just can't afford it."

I wondered if Grampa wanted a scroll-saw as bad as I wanted a go-kart?

Grammy did the dishes while I sat there day-dreaming and thinking about go-karts. Getting one would be like a dream come true, but my chances were, like... five zillion to one.

I looked at the clock. Mom was late again. Maybe Grampa was right about her living on the edge, like Lulu, except Lulu's already fallen off the edge. Lulu sure acted weird sometimes! I wonder how come she can be so weird and still get straight A's in school? And she sure thinks poems up fast. I wonder if she makes up her limericks ahead of time so she can have one ready for me whenever she needs some ammunition. She must've gotten her talent from her mother. Genetics... phooey!

I looked at my watch again. Why was Mom so late? I sure hope she didn't have more car trouble... or worse still, an accident! Then I thought, well... maybe she just ran out of X-40. She said if she has one more car repair bill we may go bankrupt.

I was about to ask Gram if I could help her by drying the dishes, but I must've timed it right because she had already dried them and put them back in the cabinet. Just as well, I guess, 'cause just about that time Mom walked in the door and we had to go. All the way home I busted her bones. "How come you're always late, Mom? You had me worried. You got a boyfriend or what?"

I was sorry I asked because she swerved just in time to miss an eighteen wheeler. "I don't have time for men in my life, Mitch. I had to conduct two aerobic classes and give three massages today and I'm all worn out, so don't bug me."

"Sorry, Mom."

I had learned to read the danger signs with Mom. Just missing an eighteen-wheeler was one of them. Besides, she had a real zombie-like glare in her eyes, so I let her get away with it this time.